Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
