there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
