Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
