My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
