chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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