btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
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Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
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Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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