i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
