honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
