im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
