Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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