You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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