Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
areolas are like halos for boobs.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
