the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
