All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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