i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
