I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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