SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
