Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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