my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
