Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
