I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
