My hand turned me down
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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