I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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