I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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