I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
