So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
