Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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