I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
