you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
