Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
