It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
