if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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