i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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