...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
