dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We left the knife in your bed.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
