I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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