More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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