I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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