If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
