over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
