can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
