Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
