I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
