id be glad to
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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