just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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