you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My liver just broke up with me...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
