It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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