can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
