I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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