DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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