i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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