I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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