I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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