Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
