textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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