Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
