OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
