Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
