Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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