we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
