he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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