if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
