If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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