I cockslap morals
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
