So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Come on in and take your pants off
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