If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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