apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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