Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
