So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
