4 words: hood of his car
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
