Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
