Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
