first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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