office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
