i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
