Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize